Note: If you don't understand what Unix
is, these won't make much sense
If you have trouble sounding condescending,
find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
?Scott Adams
VMS is a text-only adventure game.
If you win you can use Unix.
?W. Davidson
Unix gives you just enough rope to hang yourself --
and then a couple of more feet, just to be sure.
?Eric Allman
If Unix is so damned useful,
why is "no" in /usr/dict/words,
but "yes" isn't?
?Source Unknown
Unix is computer-scientology,
not computer science.
?Dave Mankins
Fixing Unix is easier than living with NT.
?Jonathan Gilpin
Unix is the answer, but only if you
phrase the question very carefully.
Unix is user-friendly. It's just very
selective about who its friends are.
Unix: It's not just 'User-Unfriendly',
it's 'Proactively User-Hostile' !
?Sources Unknown
On the twelfth day I left it,
my Unix gave to me:
Twelve boards a-blowing;
Eleven chips a-smoking;
Ten ports a-jamming;
Nine floppies frying;
Eight gettys dying;
Seven blown partitions;
Six bad controllers;
Five core dumps;
Four bad blocks;
Three heads crashed;
Two faulty tapes;
And a burnt-out V.D.T.
On the thirteenth day I started adapting
my Nintendo for the VME bus.
?Evan Leibovitch
Stupid Shell Tricks:
Note that the '%' prompt indicates
that the command should be issued
from the C shell, and the '$'
prompt indicates the Bourne shell.
% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent
% ar m God
ar: God does not exist
% "How would you rate Clinton's incompetence?
Unmatched ".
% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].
% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.
% If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.
% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
% sleep with me
bad character
% got a light?
No match.
% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.
% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.
% %blow
%blow: No such job.
% \(-
(-: Command not found.
% sh
$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!
$ drink < bottle; opener
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found
$ mkdir matter; cat > matter
matter: cannot create
